Warning Signs
of Violence and Abuse
Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions and behaviors used to control another person.
Violence and abuse happens in cycles that an abuser purposefully uses to give themselves power over the victim, and keep the victim under their control.
Violence and abuse can come in many forms, but every one is dangerous.
Below are some of the signs. If you are experiencing any of these, reach out to get help.
Domestic and Intimate Partner Violence
Intimate partner violence, or domestic violence, can be difficult to see if it starts little by little, if your partner says they love you, or if they support you financially. Domestic violence can include forced sex, physical abuse, and emotional abuse, such as cruel words or threats. It can happen between married people, to a couple who lives together or apart, or to a same-sex couple.
Controls what you’re doing
Checks your phone, email, or social networks without your permission
Forces you to have sex when you don’t want to
Controls your birth control or insists that you get pregnant
Decides what you wear or eat or how you spend money
Prevents or discourages you from going to work or school or seeing your family or friends
Humiliates you on purpose in front of others
Unfairly accuses you of being unfaithful
Destroys your things
Threatens to hurt you, your children, other loved ones, or your pets
Hurts you physically (e.g., hitting, beating, punching, pushing, choking, kicking), including with a weapon
Blames you for his or her violent outbursts
Threatens to hurt herself or himself because of being upset with you
Threatens to report you to the authorities for imagined crimes
Tells you that no one will believe you
Says things like, “If I can’t have you, then no one can”
If you are in a same-sex relationship, many signs of violence are the same as other people in an abusive relationship. Your partner may hit you, try to control you, or force you to have sex. But you may also experience additional signs of abuse, including:
Threatening to “out you” to your family, friends, employer, or community
Telling you that you have to be legally married to be considered a victim of domestic violence and to get help
Saying women aren’t or can’t be violent
Telling you the authorities won’t help a lesbian, bisexual, transgender, or other nonconforming person
Forcing you to “prove” your sexuality by performing sex acts that you do not consent to
Dating Violence and Abuse
Dating violence is when someone you are seeing romantically harms you in some way, whether it is physically, sexually, emotionally, or all three. It can happen on a first date, or after years of being together.
Forcing you to have sex when you don’t want to
Telling you that you owe them sex in exchange for taking you out on a date
Acting overly jealous, including constantly accusing you of cheating
Being extremely controlling, such as telling you what to wear, forbidding you from seeing friends and family, or demanding to check your phone, email, and social media
Constantly checking in with you and getting angry if you don’t check in with him or her
Putting you down, including your appearance (clothes, makeup, hair, weight), intelligence, and activities
Trying to isolate you from other people, including by insulting them
Blaming you for the abusive behavior and listing the ways you “made him or her do it”
Refusing to take responsibility for their own actions
Apologizing for abuse and promising to change again and again
Having a quick temper, so you never know what you will do or say that may cause a problem
Not allowing you to end the relationship or making you feel guilty for leaving
Threatening to call the authorities (police, deportation officials, child protective services, etc.) as a way to control your behavior
Stopping you from using birth control or going to the doctor or nurse
Committing any physical violence, such as hitting, pushing, or slapping you.
Stalking or harassing you
Sexual Assault
Sexual assault is any type of sexual activity or contact that you do not consent to. Sexual assault can happen through physical force or threats of force or if the attacker gave the victim drugs or alcohol as part of the assault. Sexual assault includes rape and sexual coercion. Sexual assault is also called sexual violence or abuse.
Any type of sexual contact with someone who cannot consent, such as someone who is underage (as defined by state laws), has an intellectual disability, or is passed out (such as from drugs or alcohol) or unable to respond (such as from sleeping)
Any type of sexual contact with someone who does not consent
Rape
Attempted rape
Sexual coercion
Sexual contact with a child
Fondling or unwanted touching above or under clothes
Voyeurism, or peeping (when someone watches private sexual acts without consent)
Exhibitionism (when someone exposes himself or herself in public)
Sexual harassment or threats
Forcing someone to pose for sexual pictures
Sending someone unwanted texts or “sexts” (texting sexual photos or messages)
Sexual assault can also be verbal, visual, or non-contact. It is anything that forces a person to join in unwanted sexual activities or attention.
Stalking
Stalking is any repeated and unwanted contact with you that makes you feel unsafe. Stalking may get worse or become violent over time.
Following you around or spying on you
Sending you unwanted emails or letters
Calling you repeatedly
Showing up uninvited at your house, school, or work
Leaving you unwanted gifts
Damaging your home, car, or other property
Threatening you, your family, or pets with violence
Human Trafficking and Sexual Exploitation
Trafficking and Exploitation happens when a person is forced or tricked into working in dangerous and illegal conditions or having sexual contact with others against their will.
Common forms of trafficking and exploitation is prostitution and sex work. This is when a child or adult is forced to have sexual contact or engage in sexual activity in exchange for money or favors. In sex trafficking, someone forces or coerces a child or adult to participate in sexual activity in order to get money or other things of value from a person who pays for the sex acts.
Traffickers control victims by:
Threatening to hurt them or their families
Threatening to have them deported
Taking away their passports, birth certificates, or ID cards
Making them work to pay back money they claim is owed them
Giving them drugs in order to create an addiction or control them and then making a them perform sexually to get more drugs
Preventing them from having contact with friends, family, or the outside world
Elder Abuse
Elder abuse happens when a trusted caregiver or adult knowingly harms an older person (someone 60 and older). It includes many types of abuse, such as physical, sexual, emotional, verbal, and financial. Elder abuse can also mean knowingly neglecting an older person to the point that they are harmed, such as by withholding food or medical care.
Elder abuse can happen in the home, in a nursing home or assisted living facility, or in public. Elder abuse is more likely to happen when an older person is dependent on other people for daily activities of living, such as eating, bathing, using the toilet, dressing, or managing money. Elder abuse also includes neglect and taking advantage of an older person.
Family Violence and effects inside the Home
Violence against family members can cause long-term physical and mental health problems. Violence and abuse affect not just the victim involved but also their children, families, and communities.
Effect on the Victim:
Physical Injuries, both external and internal
TBI, traumatic brain injury, concussions
PTSD, Depression, Anxiety
Missed school, work
Increased fear and stress
Misusing drugs, alcohol, or food to cope
Nightmares, migraines, stomach upset
Long-term health problems
Effect on Children:
Many children exposed to violence in the home are also victims of physical abuse. Children who witness family violence or are victims of abuse themselves are at serious risk for long-term physical and mental health problems.
Children in preschool. Young children who witness Family violence may start doing things they used to do when they were younger, such as bed-wetting, thumb-sucking, increased crying, and whining. They may also develop difficulty falling or staying asleep; show signs of terror, such as stuttering or hiding; and show signs of severe separation anxiety.
School-aged children. Children in this age range may feel guilty about the abuse and blame themselves for it. Family violence and abuse hurts children’s self-esteem. They may not participate in school activities or get good grades, have fewer friends than others, and get into trouble more often. They also may have a lot of headaches and stomachaches.
Teens. Teens who witness abuse may act out in negative ways, such as fighting with family members or skipping school. They may also engage in risky behaviors, such as having unprotected sex and using alcohol or drugs. They may have low self-esteem and have trouble making friends. They may start fights or bully others and are more likely to get in trouble with the law. This type of behavior is more common in teen boys who are abused in childhood than in teen girls. Girls are more likely than boys to be withdrawn and to experience depression.